day 8 - horrible mothers day- sunday

ugh. i have cried most of the day today. because i was mad, and angry and hurt.
it s mothers days first of all everyone here knows how wonderful that is...
second of all, my step son was here today and neither him nor my boyfriend said happy mothers day. I said thanks guy for saying happy mothers day. neither one said anything. the ss, gets on the phone, calls his friend (a guy) says happy mothers day.
my bf tried to hug me and i pushed him away. he said what? i said well im hurt. i do everything here , cook, clean, pay for everything, etc etc. do the motherly job and neither one of you can say happy mothers day? my bf blantently says " you dont have kids what do you expect".

these soy pills im on i think are giving me pms. its horrible. im actually thinking of not taking them ever again. I have one day left (tomorrow). if i knew they would work 100% id take them but... ugh. im jsut sooo frustrated.

i cant quit. i dont know why but i cant. i should, but i cant. i should just throw a tantrum and throw the idea out the window. the one goal in my life, just put it in a box in the back of my head and lock it and throw away the key. there are no other choices. if I had good cm then possibly, but its MY BODY that needs fixed. the problem follows me ........everywhere I go.

I hate it. i hate it because i cant fix it and i cant control it. i hate it because my body is saying no and i hate the word no. I hate it because its not fair.